cant swallow

so im liking it rough again. of course im really hating it. i dont wanna be mad but i feel like i have to be mad. this is probably a waste. and my back feels like if been stabbed. old habits suck. they never want to go away. i feel like Alice.. "i give myself good advice, but i seldom listen." im so frustrated. i might cry [if you havent noticed i have a tendency to spew tears] maybe i want too much. a certain ex said that and i didnt believe him. i still think in that case i wasnt. but maybe in this one i am. but idk. spring break is irkin my life at the moment. im about to jump outta my window. thats kinda pointless tho, id prolly jus sprain an ankle or sumthn. then i have to be on crutches around umd. not even cool.

::sigh::

im bout to hurl chili; i hate my feelings. bleh.